SELLOTAPE WITH NO END

Take a moment to digest those words. Sellotape… With. No. End.

Can you imagine a thing so dastardly? So dangerous? I do hope this blog post doesn’t fall into the wrong hands or we are surely all doomed…

The day I invented Sellotape With No EndTM was the day I passed some sort of point of no return in my unexpected journey into magic and mentalism.

I’d gladly found my way into hypnosis and NLP, but I considered magic and mentalism a ridiculous detour. I felt that a woman in her mid-30s had no business poking around the nooks and crannies of the internet where the magically minded hide their wonders and wares. I had (and have) no inclination to perform. So why was I waking up hungover only to find I’d been binge-watching YouTube magic tutorials instead of porn? WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME? ARGH!

I decided this magical madness must end. I forbade myself from further magical inquiries. And, instead, I committed myself to the serious study of hypnosis, which I could at least credibly apply to my ‘career’ and the illusive art of being a grown up.

So I boarded a train on a chilly spring morning and set about puzzling out hypnotic loops* and how one might disrupt or break them. I’d recently discovered Milton Erickson and was fascinated by handshake inductions. I suspected, however, that weird handshakes weren’t destined to be my style; yet I loved the story of Erickson disrupting people as they tied their shoelaces… and I guess that led me to my truly despicable invention: Sellotape With No EndTM.

Think about it. When feeling for the end of the Sellotape, you rotate it with your thumb and fingers – three, maybe five times – while running an index finger over the surface in search of the end. By then, you expect to have found it. If it takes more turns, you become exasperated, start picking at any lumps and bumps, inspect it under a brighter light, swear, squint, pick some more, and – if the end still eludes you – you realise, for certain, that there is no God and the world is against you.

I spent the next two hours thinking through how you could mentally hijack someone experiencing that ‘sweet-spot’ between the auto-pilot fifth turn and existential crisis.

This, naturally, let me to create a three-point plan to destroy the global economy:

  1. Replace all office stationery supplies with Sellotape With No EndTM.
  1. Spread the rumour that this is a glitch in The Matrix.
  1. Wait for approximately one in 10 people (the uptight types who make passive-aggressive kitchen signs) to experience a manic psychotic episode.

When I arrived at my destination – London’s Kings Cross Station – I popped into the Harry Potter Shop and bought myself a replica Lord Voldemort wand.

Then I went home and cried – because I assumed that contemplating building tricksy contraptions was a sure sign of mental illness.

But, as it turned out, magic and madness have a good deal in common.

And so that was the day that my infiltration into the Ministry of Magic commenced.

My wand

*I’m purposefully not linking to a definition as my understanding back then was mostly intuitive.

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