I have commandeered a magician as my boyfriend / Chief Magical Consultant. This blog will be rebooted in December, when it will be mostly dedicated to garnering an invitation round Uncle Derren's for tea. Good luck with it...
Magic. It never ceases to enchant me, humble me – and piss me off. My life right now is basically me bashing out a 3,000-word email to some obliging internet wizard to try to articulate a concept on my mind in order to gauge whether it’s a thing or A Thing. Then I’ll be pointed … Continue reading TERRIBLE TAROT (PART I)
This blog tells a patchy and imperfect story of my magical maraudings, for which I apologise. I’m time-poor and it’s simply too much fun, and too enlightening, writing mad emails to magicians on the internet to report back on progress in real-time. But, for the record, I increasingly find far more meaning and worth in … Continue reading AND I’LL LEAD YOU ALL IN THE DANCE, SAID (S)HE!
I wanted to share my Grandma Jo’s eulogy with you. I sent this to a few friends ahead of her funeral and I’ve never before received such beautiful, heartfelt messages. I hope you enjoy it. And it’s okay – grandma was ready to go (she was 95) and, as quite the show-off, I believe she’d … Continue reading LET THE MUSIC PLAY!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls – I present to you: my first magical crime! I have stolen a copy of ‘Absolute Magic’ by Derren Brown. (#sorrynotsorry) I resolved to steal this book some time ago, I confess. I’ve developed a penchant for magic books of (relative) expense, but allowed myself to buy very few … Continue reading MAGIC IS EXPENSIVE. THE SOLUTION? STEAL IT!
When I was 12 and trudging home from school one Friday springtime afternoon, I happened upon a fledgling bird cheeping in the gutter. On closer inspection, I saw this bird had a disability – a mangled club-foot – and that being stranded by a busy road would soon make roadkill of this chick. And so, … Continue reading THE BIRD STORY
I wonder if you can remember the story of ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’? And it doesn’t matter if you do, or if you don’t… or if you did, once [TAP FOOT] perhaps, in times past or hazily maybe, but don’t anymore. Really. It doesn’t. Matter. Because you can just follow the sound of my voice … Continue reading FOLLOW THE WHITE RABBIT
When I turned nine I was finally allowed to go to the park with just a fellow kid for company, instead of an adult chaperone. So this one day I headed down the park with my nine-year-old neighbour, Charlotte. She was short and asthmatic, not that that’s important to this story – I’m just trying to … Continue reading DOING IT DOGGIE STYLE
It was summer and dad had now renovated three bedrooms, a box-room-turned-en-suite-shower and our sitting room. He had torn down several ceilings, pried up random floorboards, exposed live wires, illegally rerouted gas pipes, illegally removed asbestos, and regularly polluted the air with toxic dusts and fumes. He had half-finished a five-by-three-foot model railway, and built, … Continue reading POND LIFE
Comrades: I find myself in the midst of an Illuminati plot. Or possibly just perpetrating a postal crime. Unclear.* My current Theory of Everything is I’m a recurring character in a Robert Anton Wilson novel that he’s writing while on a particularly strong acid trip. Timothy Leary is in the kitchen making pancakes, and you … Continue reading Y’ALL HATERS CORNY WITH THAT ILLUMINATI MESS